Proletariat Bidet

“I think that I am quite the bon vivant,
Have savoir faire, éclat, élan, finesse,
And, yes, indeed, I’m always au courant,
And, though I’m poor, I have the right noblesse.
Oblige: it’s de rigeur, no laissez-faire,
And since sang froid’s combined with joie de vivre,
It’s fait accompli I’m the lumière -
Now that’s my coup de grâce, and so I leave.”
And so this Anglophone and Francophile
Departs for pretty Paris one more time
And they’ll all greet him with a Gallic smile
And laugh behind his back and think him slime.
That’s why in Paris I don’t use bidets;
I know about the Gaul’s perverted ways.